German Nudgers Ask Citizens What They Should Be Forbidden From Doing

Repent for your climate sins

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

Zeit Online, a German newspaper, asked its readers recently, “What should you be forbidden to do?” The author who is clearly part of the climate cult tells readers that, of course restriction is no fun but it is essential for the climate.

Nobody likes being banned. Not as a child and certainly not as an adult. But in view of the climate crisis, which is becoming more and more present in western latitudes with floods, refugee movements and deaths caused by heat, many are demanding exactly that: bans.

Are many people really demanding bans? I would guess that if they are, they are demanding bans for other people, not themselves.

The author refers to a Swiss article which says bans are fair because they apply to everyone. And they create clarity and security. He seems to think that the climate can be compared with a nut allergy or impoverishing citizens, similar to banning asbestos.

If my tongue swells fourfold when I eat peanuts, my doctor doesn't tell me to keep eating peanuts and hope that a drug for the allergy will be invented soon.

He says: Stop right now, you rodent! Don't eat nuts anymore!

Bans are classic instruments for conserving resources, protecting people's health and preventing crises. Switzerland was one of the first countries to ban the installation of carcinogenic asbestos . The CFC ban saved the ozone layer – and with it countless people from skin cancer and blindness.

Therefore, Zeit online says bans are political instruments for dealing responsibly with resources and preventing long-term damage. They ask, “what would you never do without voluntarily but secretly be grateful for government regulation? What would you like to be prevented from doing? From mild barbecue nights with discount sausages? Spontaneous flights? Or would you prefer to have the diesel taken away from you right away? Are bans really as bad as they feel? Are they taking away opportunities from those who already have little?”

These climate cultists are so odd. Who thinks like this? And how do Germans always manage to get sausages into every article?

Fortunately, many of the comments were against any bans at all.

“I demand that any form of fear and panic related to climate change be banned”.

“Replacing functioning nuclear power plants with coal should be prohibited”.

“Reading through some of the comments, many seem to yearn for a fully controlled life like Orwell's 1984, no decisions and thoughts of their own, control from above instead. That worries me more than climate change”.

However, there were a lot of people who wanted to get spanked harder. Devoid of any religion, some humans clearly need to believe in something. As well as the need to feel guilty about something. In this case, it’s breathing CO2 and driving a car to work in order to pay the bills.

These nutters would go to a church and scoff at people praying - ‘Lord, give us the strength to not only confess our sins, but also to turn away from them’. Then go online and respond to an article asking readers to list which climate sins they need banning from.

“I would like to be forbidden to drive faster…to fly short distances...from buying products that are double boxed…from buying meat…from filling the pool because I don’t do it without a ban”.

“The crazy thing is that so far the "climate policy" has not imposed any bans”.

“Bans for some are at the same time new freedoms for others (or undiscovered new ones for some)”.

“Keeping pets esp. of carnivorous animals could be severely restricted”.

I guarantee that these climate fundamentalists would behave the same way as the Covid fundamentalists did. Lock everyone up…except me, I’m too important. Ban cars…except mine, I’m too important. They would call the police on you in a heartbeat because you went for two runs during lockdown and they would do the same because your second run made you breath out too much CO2.

The priests of the climate cult think they are untouchable. You must be banned from using a car and have to walk 10 miles to work but they are allowed five foreign holidays because they work for a company that plants a tree every time they order avocado on toast.

So what should you be forbidden to do? Comedy answers only.