Apple Calms Angry Mother Nature But Forgets to Tell Her About the Lithium Mines

The cringiest Apple advert

Apple has released the cringiest advert I have seen in a while now. At over five minutes long, I apologise for making you watch it.

The scene is set with a nervous Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, rehearsing his lines in a large meeting room. Around him, other Apple employees are nervously getting ready for something. The new James Bond would be happy in this meeting because everything is suitably diverse, otherwise he gets a bit nervous.

The wind starts whistling and blowing over one of the symbols of the old religion and now the new, the rainbow. Ominous music and rattling tables make you think a dinosaur from Jurrasic Park is on the loose. The music intensifies and then suddenly stops.

Mother Nature has arrived. Clearly everyone is petrified of this Climate Change deity who obviously has been overindulging, somewhat like a human would. But setting aside the visuals in the ad, because we could have a field day there, let’s find out what the demanding Mother Nature wants.

Tim Cook tries some small talk to which Mother Nature makes the room darken and the thunder rumble. Evidently, Mother Nature is an angry god who you don’t want to upset.

As Mother Nature starts her demands, an Apple employee is seen mouthing the exact same words in the background. Does this show the reality that Mother Nature is actually the bureaucratic, eco loons in the background who are making the demands? Is this not really Mother Nature? Blasphemy.

“This is my third corporate responsibility gig of the day”, she says, “so who wants to disappoint me first”. Mother Nature is not very nice, you do not want to get on the wrong side of her.

Fortunately, the diverse workforce have some good news to tell Mother Nature. Except of course, the silly white man who is wearing a leather jacket - unacceptable. “Are they phasing you out too,” she asks the man who wears dead animal skin jackets. Actually, they probably are, Mother Nature.

A nervous employee sucks up to his new god by saying, thanks to you and your powerful wind and sun, Apple’s offices are all run on 100% clean energy. Whatever that really means.

“Are you seriously explaining carbon neutrality to Mother Nature?” she scolds an employee. “You want to tell me how photosynthesis works too?” I did not expect Mother Nature to be so bitchy!

Another employee tries to pacify Mother Nature by telling her about all the forest planting projects they undertake. “Our aim is to permanently remove carbon from the atmosphere,” she says. I thought these Apple employees were meant to be smart? What will all their new forests breath if they remove all the CO2?

Mother Nature demands that she wants to see Tim Cook do more of this. “You will”, he pledges to his new god.

After a ‘nervous’ standoff between Tim Cook and Mother Nature, she nonchalantly says “Ok, good. See you next year”. As if all the sacrifices made in her name were just about acceptable to stop her destroying the company for 12 more months.

She sighs, walks off and says “Don’t disappoint your mother.” The employees all take a deep breath. They have survived…well for another year at least.

But what if Mother Nature realises that Apple hasn’t told her the whole truth. There was nothing about the abysmal conditions in the lithium mines or the child slave labour in the cobalt mines. Nor was there any mention of the terrible conditions in the Chinese factories that make Apple products. But then again, perhaps this Mother Nature doesn’t care about human suffering, so long as the climate is saved.

Maybe Mother Nature wouldn’t be as happy if she realised that Apple is one of the worst companies for making consumers buy things they don’t need. Each year, they brainwash people into getting the latest gadget that does exactly the same thing as their previous gadget did. And their previous gadget gets thrown into a big landfill. But then again, this Mother Nature is a false god who cares more about carbon credits than corporate greed.

The virtue signalling message in this embarrassing video is clear - fear the wrath of Mother Nature. If she can tame one of the most powerful companies in the world then there is no hope for you.

If you have a wood burner, eat meat, fly in a plane or drive your car, Mother Nature will be watching and waiting to punish you.

However, many of the people watching the video will agree with it. To them, this Mother Nature is kind and we are disappointing her by breathing. Beware these people because they will be after you soon. You put the world in danger by not wearing a mask and by not getting vaccinated and now you are doing the same by driving your car to go and buy a steak from the supermarket.

The new cult/religion is in full swing. Worship the cruel Mother Nature or suffer the consequences. How long before you are deemed to be a heretic for not joining the climate cult and worshiping the false Mother Nature of carbon credits? Maybe if we don’t meet their unachievable goals by 2030 you will be burnt at the stake for not attending the church of climate on Sundays or for not changing your gas boiler to a heat pump.